Things are moving in the right direction for the Feb 22nd 2013 Launch of my YA Sci Fi: Disconnect – Book One of the Divided Worlds Trilogy.
There is lots to do, and unless I’m getting too over-excited, I’d like to think that I’ve got it covered.
… except, not everything is so simple. There are some aspects, such as the cover and the blurb that have to be a little bit special to ensure a customer is intrigued to have a bite.
The final cover for Disconnect will be revealed on Jan 4th 2013. Please, pop over to (and join in with the reveal): http://www.xpressobooktours.com/2012/12/cover-reveal-sign-up-disconnect-by.html
Now, then to the blurb.
I think it does enough to introudce the Character, the setting, the conflict and risk associated with how the tale will play out. Do you concur, or would you move on? Honestly, your views are important to me, and if I can make the blurb bounce or linger in a reader’s mind for a second longer, it’ll be the best move I make.
The Blurb:
Even in space, love has boundaries
If all the Underworld has to offer is dodging junk and digging within filthy sewers then life is fast approaching a worthless state for Zachary, a 16-year old scavenger. Except one day, he discovers the imagery of a girl from Overworld that pulls his desire in wanting to know why she sounds so sad with her lavish lifestyle.
Zachary will seize the chance to meet her, and although hatred builds, with time, friendship and something he’s never felt, even for his parents, will grow.
Though nothing unbelievable can last without harm. The rulers of Overworld have plans for the Research Base that orbits Jupiter’s moon, Europa, and Underworld stands in the way.
Zachary must overcome boundaries and climb from darkness to light, but in doing so, he’ll uncover a twisted secret that may devour his new reason to live; Rosa
+20
I think you’re headed in the right direction! I like your concept, and I think your first sentence is a great opener.
The “Except one day…” feels like it could be worded a little tighter. Such as “When one day Zachary gets a chance to meet a sad Overworld girl who leads a lavish lifestyle, he seizes the chance, not realizing that this will pave the way for…. (something awful)”
Is Rosa the Overland girl? It might be good to state her name earlier.
You have a lot going on in the story, which is great! It’s always a balance to decide how much to say and where to leave out the details. Good luck!
Much appreciated.
Each tip provided will help me hone the style and wording to use.
A very good point about mentioning Rosa’s name earlier.
Hiya! Sounds good to me – a couple of suggestions though;
Even in space, love has boundaries (Love that as an eyecatcher!)
If all the Underworld has to offer is dodging junk and digging within filthy sewers then life is fast approaching a worthless state for Zachary, a 16-year old scavenger. Except one day, he discovers the imagery (image?) of a girl from Overworld that pulls his desire (not sure about that phrase…) in wanting to know why she sounds so sad with her lavish lifestyle. (discovers the image of a girl from Overworld whose sad expression is at odds with her lavish lifestyle?)
Zachary will seize the chance to meet her, and although hatred builds, with time, friendship and something he’s never felt, even for his parents, will grow. (I’d take out the ‘will’…Zachary seizes…and the ‘even for his parents’ as that was a complicated sentence)
Though nothing unbelievable can last without harm. The rulers of Overworld have plans for the Research Base that orbits Jupiter’s moon, Europa, and Underworld stands in the way. (This seems at odds with the story of Zachary and Rosa…
how does it impact on your MC? Why is it so important to the story?)
Zachary must overcome boundaries and climb from darkness to light, but in doing so, he’ll uncover a twisted secret that may devour his new reason to live; Rosa
Hope that’s useful? Apologies if it comes across as ultra-picky – these are well-intentioned suggestions!
Fingers crossed for your self-pub debut – I know how hard you’ve been working towards it.
Squidge.
Hey Squidge
Hope you are well – and sorry for not being on the Cloud for a while.
Last 2 months and the next 3 are so full with me and these novels.
Love the tips
All are good, and the one about the Europa/Base is well spotted. Yes – I need to link it back, ie: mention that Rosa’s father is involved with organising the dismantling of Underworld…. oooo-er….
Thanks for the support.
2013 will be a tough year – got to get it right.
Hey there
Good opener, but you need to tighten up and maybe cut out a few redundant phrases:
“Even in space, love has boundaries
If all the Underworld has to offer is dodging junk and digging within filthy sewers then [life is fast approaching a worthless state for Zachary,] (maybe here you could provide a concrete example, or the kind of colloquial your character would use, rather than just telling? What about a sewer analogy?) a 16-year old scavenger. Except one day, he discovers the imagery {what kind?] of a girl from Overworld [that pulls his desire in wanting to know] (I find this phrasing awkward. Could it be simplified?) [why she sounds so sad with her lavish lifestyle.] (Again, this is wordy. Can you simplify it?)
Zachary will seize the chance to meet her, and although hatred builds, with time, friendship and something he’s never felt, even for his parents, will grow. [This is nice, but could be polished. Why hatred? Does he need to overcome prejudices? What are the emotional stakes?)
Though nothing unbelievable can last without harm.[This seems redundant. Can you replace it with a "however" perhaps?] The rulers of Overworld have plans for the Research Base that orbits Jupiter’s moon, Europa, and Underworld stands in the way. [Good plot thickener].
Zachary [must overcome boundaries and climb from darkness to light,] (I feel like this tells me nothing, its too general. Can you use some more solid imagery to describe what he must overcome?) but in doing so, he’ll uncover a twisted secret that may devour his new reason to live; Rosa” <- Full point here? (sorry, I'm super super picky as I edit a newspaper ;P)
I hope that helps. I know how difficult it is to write these things!